The Black Rose
by AmberAllyCat
Summary: Harry crumbles and finds a drug to hold him together. 'He fumbled for his glasses which he had discarded to the bed. Giving up the search , Harry took his belt off the top of his arm.' Drug use- Character death. I do not own the HP verse. R&R. I might be pushing it by labeling it 'T' and head my warning- Late T... Almost M but not.
1. Chapter 1

**BLACK ROSE**

 **Chapter One**

He didn't want to live. But he couldn't die. He was only able to die by Voldamorts hands. It was cruel to him. He watched as his precious people fell around him. How could they expect him to handle it? He is 16! A child. But he had no childhood. He was never a kid.

He doesn't think he will be able to make it through this year. He handed in another empty parchment for an essay today. He doesn't remember the class they had learnt the question. Hermione had yelled at him again. He had gotten distracted by the crows caught in her hair. How do they do it? Trapped.

Ron shouted at him today when he was caught burning some text book in the fire place. He couldn't help it. He was cold. The fire had stopped radiating heat. How is it that fire could radiate cold. He was shivering- he needed a fix. It had been a day. How could he forget? That would warm him up.

Harry Potter stumbled up to his dorm room. Shivering he grabbed the blanket from his bed. He muttered a spell that would open the drawer. The draw popped open. He found his stash, a clean needle, some substance already loaded. He lifted up his sleeve exposinging multiple track marks. Sighing as the crack took way his pain and shacking and left him numb. Numb to float around in an empty abyss. A gasp interrupted his bliss. Harry extracted the needle from his arm and shoved it under his pillow while kicking the draw shut. A click let him know that it had been locked. Looking wildly around his heart sunk as he say a blob of red.

He fumbled for his glasses which he had discarded to the bed. Giving up in the search , Harry took his belt off the top of his arm.

"…Harry?" Called the blob. Right the person- how that slipped his mind was fuzzy. "HARRY?"

"Mhhh, ya." A drop in the bed was the only warning before his glasses were shoved on his face. The blob became a person. The person became Ron. Shoot. Something was said he couldn't catch the words. They floated in and out. What would happen if you could just float in and out of existence? "HARRY?" a hand got waved in front of his face. He caught it to make it stop. "Yes?" he said to the hand. It was freckled and warm but pale. "Are you alright man? Bloody hell what did you do to yourself?" The hand was attached to Ron. Right drugs, mustn't let Hermione know she will know the stuff- its muggle. "Mm fine Rooon, I didn't do anything."

Ron reached and dragged the syringe from under the pillow. "What is this Harry? Is this why you have been acting odd. What are you doing to yourself mate?" Harry grabbed the object from his friend and placed a plastic tip on the end. "Its nothing. I'm fine. PLEASE drop it." His hands holding **his** object dropped to his lap as he whispered. "Don't be angry, it helps." "HELP? I HARDLY RECOGNISE YOU?" Ron yelled. Harry saw red , this was meant to be **his** time- **HIS** time. How dare Ron smash and ask and – what right does he have. "WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE? IM DOING SWELL AND I DON'T NEED YOUR … YOUR-." "Help? I don't understand." Ron shook his head and started towards the door. The door slammed shut before he could leave. "Don't Ron." "Don't what, leave- help- figure this all out." Harry ran his fingers through his hair . Crows could nest there- its messy and tangled and- HERMIONE! "Don't tell Hermi…hermai..herm-." "Hermione? Hell are you trying to say Hermione?" Ron banged his fist on the door. "DON"T TELL HER! Don't tell Hermy anything- I mean it."

He watched as his red haired _friend_ nodded his head against the dorm door. A whispered 'Fine' was all the confirmation he got. He let Ron go. HE wouldn't go after him. They are safer with him out their life. The first mega rush was subsiding and he could think better. Not best but a pleasant rush. The Extacy part was becoming shorter. He needed to start loading more. He thought back on what happened. He was numb. NO THAT WRONG. He did this. He could feel his skin crawl. Bugs- maby they would eat up his circulatory system? But he did something wrong. Ron. Ron is angry at him. Its his fault. He is going to ruin their live. He's a monster. The bugs are annoying him now. Harry went to the barthroom. Water was splashed on his face. Cool down my eyes. They are warm. Water- its from the basin. I have forgotten how to cry.

The mirror showed a shrunken face, red rimmed eyes. His hair dripped the water to the floor. Drip, splash- echo. Like him. A echo. He scowled the mirror face scowled. It was judging him. He punched it. PAIN. He punched it again. A rush. The bugs went into a frenzy. Skin crawling and hands throbbing. Harry smiled. He was alive. He deserved this. The numb took away the memories and the feeling attached to them. Pain assured him that he was not yet dead and why. He loved feeling- not remembering or hearing the lost voices. With bugs in his veins and pain in his system he was in ecstasy! Maybe this time it will last. He left for class.

He noticed that Ron had been watching him. Hermy had yet to confront him so she doesn't know- wasn't told. People looked at him oddly. They didn't know. Its not like he didn't smile or laugh. Just not when he was sober. Nothing was funny then. When the bug helped him and the pain grounded him- he saw the humor, the light. Laughter was easy when he knew he was being punished. Luna looked at him sadly at times. Why? Life was great! Someone urged him to eat. Why? He had had a big lunch. They said that was two days ago. But he was still full! They must have been lying. It doesn't matter. He laughed at them. "I'll eat later." He didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

He saw Ron on his bed when he went to the dorm. "You always look so happy when you have done-that." Ron still didn't know what it was. The dose had been upped for him and the pain had made it better. He had stopped healing his hands and just wore bandages. So Yes he had been happier. But why does Ron look sad? "Could I?" Could he what? He is looking at my draw. "I have been watching you. You do it every couple days sometimes every day. You look happy. Like death but happy." "What are you saying ?" The buzz was wearing off he was becoming numb. He couldn't laugh in this state. "Could I try it?" The question was like a slap in the face. "NO!" Harry yelled at his friend. How could Ron even think that. Doesn't he know what it can do to you. How dare he think to ruin his life like that. This. No, absolutely no. "Why not? It makes you happy? You said it Helps." Ron seemed to be begging .

"It can kill you!" Harry shouted as his head started buzzing. He last took yesterday morning. Ron looked shocked as Harry dashed to the bathroom and threw up stomach acid ,it had been a couple days since he had couldn't in bliss. It didn't work. "Harry? You said it could kill you. Why? What is happening to you? Why cant I try it? You are still here." "BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE!" Harry was still retching into the basin. Ron was crying "WHY CANT I BE HAPPY?" "You can be." He fell to the floor and lent against the wall , he could see Ron on his bed- Head in hands. Harry looked down at his own hands. The blood was seeping into the white bandage.

"Its my fault you are not." The images of the people he killed flashed in his mind. His parents. Sirius. Cedric. The countless victims since Voldamort rose. He saw them in the paper. On the news. People kept on dyeing because of him. Lawrence. "You could be happy if I wasn't here. You would be happy. I'm sorry." Ron peered at the crumbled ghost of his friend. "Did this stuff do that to you?" he gasped and his head shot to look at Ron "No." He breathed. "I did this to me." "Let me try to be happy let me do it your way Harry." Harry stumbled to his feet. Things were too real. He could save Ron. It was all too real.

"You are not allowed to do it. You have family and friend that care about you. You aren't broken. You can be happy. Go to Hermio..Hermi…Shit! Hermy. Go to her. You love her. She can't breathe without thinking of you. I can handle me. I can handle the fucktard that butchered everything. Go to her." Deep breath you can- Ron stood from his bed. "I thought I was YOUR friend. Why can you do it? Do you think you are better than me. That I can't handle it?" He was bitter? Harry's head was buzzing the pain wasn't unwelcome it made him smile then grimace he couldn't hear what Ron was shouting. Ron was angry again. Its his fault. He pushed Ron to the bed. That shut him up. He towered over the bed as he yelled at his friend. Ron shuffled to the other side. "Fuck you Harry." He watched in slow-motion as Ron left and slammed the door. "I can't kill you to." He looked at the draw. He felt disgusted as he craved the needle inside. Maybe he will just sleep on it.

It was light. He was cold. Shivering. Must be with-drawls it put reality into sharp contrast. He hated it. He knew what to do. He couldn't sleep anyway. The people were there. The ones he would never see again. It sucked. He loaded a needle . He could feel Rons eyes on him. Fuck him. He heard the curtain around his- they aren't friends are they. It hurts. Not the good pain. Not the blinding pain but a heart pain. Shit, he's a sap. He needs to laugh. He can't. He needs the rush. He emptied the needle into his blood stream.

A rush. Ecstasy. Its gone. Why is it gone. That's not right. More. He loaded the needle again. Another rush. It wasn't good. It felt dirty. But he felt light enough to laugh. He smiled he couldn't laugh without the pain. He went the bathroom. Unbandaged his hands and punched. Pain. Again. It felp wrong. Noe he was angry. Dam it. He puched again. The glass fell into the sink.

Seamus walked into the dark bathroom. He had forgotten the silence spell. The light went on Seamus gasped: "CRIKY HARRY." His hands were holding him up on the basin. One on either side. The metallic taste of blood hung in the air. The ruby liquid ran down the basin and onto the floor. Amongst the shattered glass. A figure appeared behind Seamus. Harrys face snapped to lock eyes with the figure. Cold eyes met. Rons melted to pity. It disgusted Harry. An empty laugh echoed though the chill. Ron steered Seamus from the bathroom. "Leave him."

He couldn't laugh. His bliss was tainted. He was weak. He pecked at his food and threw up stomach acid. He overdosed. He didn't die. He would convulse in his bed and wake up in the morning feeling like shit. It didn't help. It had been months.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Draco cornered him . He doesn't think he has seen the blond in ages. He doesn't remember taking. The teacher had tried to speak to him. Draco pushed him. He hit a wall . A wand was in his face. HOW DARE HE! He's speaking. "Potter, are you even in there? Wow such a hero. I could kill you now." Harry took a deep breath the wall was cold against his back. He felt the anger boil beneath the skin. All light had been replaced by anger.

"Fuck, you can't even hear me can you?" Draco Malfoy laughed. In his face the blond had the **nerve** to laugh. "What you going to do now, there is no-one for you to hide behind." . . Harry grabbed the wand and pulled. Draco stumbled toward him. He threw his fist. It hit home. The blond fell to the floor .Harry still had the wand. The crack when his fist hit was satisfying. He smiled. It reminded him of third year. Mhh, moods gone. He looked at the bleeding Malfoy on the floor . It looked like fear in the grey eyes. Harry walked towards him. Draco shuffled into the wall. He snapped the wand and dropped it onto its owner. Malfoy looked like an animal. Harry smiled , the blond flinched. The anger ebbed away to wonderment. "Thank you." He had a new hobby- People watching.

Ron was with Hermione. Good. Seamus was scared of him. That's new. The feeling of detachment was wonderful. Unexplored. People were sad. The laughter was absent. Luna is walking towards me. She hugged me and gave me a black rose. Hermy gasped. I liked the rose it was sad.

We were in the common room when Hermione slapped me. I had just shot up. I could hardly live without my fix. It kept me going. "She gave you a _**black**_ rose Harry." It was the first time she had said my name in ages. I was wondering when she would confront me. Ron had done a admirable job distracting her. She slapped me again! I suppose I wasn't listening. "Do you know what a black rose means Harry? Mourning!" She looks to be getting hasterical, I can see the tears in her eyes. I reached out and cradled her hands in my. "SHE IS MOURNING YOU!" She is crying. So I tell her- "Don't cry Hermion-Herm-Hermy."

Hermione flinched. With tears running down her face she looked at the shell of the savior. She looked at Harry. For the first time in the year she _really_ looked at her friend. She sobbed. "You are on drugs aren't you? Oh Harry." She had been in denial all year. Her aunt had abused drugs and she had looked better than the thing that sat next to her now. She hadn't wanted to believe it. She thought Harry would get out of the funk. She had loved it when he laughed. She had tricked herself into believing it wasn't substance abuse. "Drugs?" Ron asked. She sighed, it was a muggle word. "Imo kay, smile Hermy." Harry had cupped her face. She felt the bandages on the hand and the tears renewed themselves. She caressed the hand in her lap and slipped the sleeve up to see the track marks. Harry tried to get away, she wouldn't let him. Heroine. The same as her aunt. Her aunt had overdosed. "What have you done?" He murmured looking in dull emerald eyes that wouldn't focus. He was lost. To all of them. They had done nothing and lost him. She started sobbing.

Ron watched as his Girlfriend sobbed for another man. He didn't know what to do. "Hermione, what is drugs?" This had caught his loves attention. "A problem."

Harry scrambled to the other side of the couch when Hermione's hand had relaxed. A scared animal. Hermione stood, fury shining through the waterworks. "You can't even say my name right! How could you! You are MY BROTHER." Harry flinched and wrapped his arms around shaking legs. She started shaking and ran to hug him. Mumbling words of calming sadness.

Ron watched, he felt detached as his love cradled her brother-their brother. Harry had started sobbing while being rocked back a forth. "I broke. I broke. Sorry hermy .So sorry. I broke." Fell from the raven boy. The black rose lay on the floor, a harsh reminder of what was lost.

She had told him everything about Drugs. Ron remembered the nights seeing Harry stick needle after needle in his arm. He vomited when he remembered asking to try. Even then Harry had saved him. There had been no-one to save the savior. Hermione hadn't spoken to Harry since that night. She kept the rose- Harry had given it to her. A stasis spell was placed on it.

"Why can't we help him Hermione?" they sat at dinner looking at a raven ghost smile into his food. "We weren't there. He is lost to everything. He is too broken. The pieces are missing. Cannot be fixed." She turned from the sight. "Why can't we at least sit by him." She had stood, anger raging. "AND WATCH HIM KILL HIMSELF EVEN MORE. NO THANK-YOU!" Hermione had stormed off. A frown had shadowed Harry for a second. Ron tried to reason with her once more. She had yelled that Harry was dead. Reluctantly he agreed. She still had the rose.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

He was an observer again. Unattached. It didn't happen often but it was a rear bliss when it hid. Seamus was still weary of him. Luna had taken to wearing black. Mourning. Hermione doesn't see him. Good. She shouldn't see him like this. Ron makes her smile. He better. They still looked scared. A crash? They look terrified. What was the crash. VOLDAMORT. HERE?

Harry flexed his fist to ground himself. "Ahhh, potter you look- terrible?" then he laughed. What was it with people laughing in his face. "That is rude." A shout then PAIN.

Ron gasped when Harry had stood and walked to face the Dark lord. He had had to stifle a laugh as Voldamort was called Rude! He cradled his girlfriend as Harry was put under Crusio.

The intense pain cleared his mind and the haze left. He could feel every muscle in his body. He opened his mouth and laughed. Now this is a rush!

Voldemort watched with glee as his enemy withered in pain, he wasn't screaming. Voldy intencified his spell. A cackle started to build up as he saw Potter open his mouth- He was Laughing the boy was laughing. Isn't he in pain. Why is he not screaming. What is this. He should be in agony. He broke off the spell.

Harry stood, he could hear some people crying. He stumbled. He should eat more. Funny now he had an appetite. He couldn't remember what food tasted like. He ran to a table.

Voldamort laughed, "Look how your savior runs, You can't run from me Potter." The hall watched with baited breath as Harry picked up a strawberry and returned to face Voldamort humming around the food. "Didn't I tell you that's rude?"

The deatheaters standing at Voldemorts side backed away. The DA scrambled to side a way behind harry. "Master he's insane." Hissed a follower.

"ATTAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

The battle started then ended in less than a minute. The shrunken had shouted no and blown the DA into the halls doors. "No more will perish Tom. Not because of me!" He looked frantic. He looked unhinged. He was shaking. With drawls. "Torture **ME**! Laugh at **ME**! **KILL ME!** Leave – leave – LEAVE THEM OUT OF IT!"

Harry looked at the cloaked Vulture in the corner of the room. He looked Death in the eyes; "Leave them be." It was a side effect of being the master of death. Seeing death . He hated it. He would see when someone was going to die. He could watch as Death stole their life. This time as time stopped death asked "Why? Why are you stopping me."

Voldemort was starting to agree with his Follower as he watched his rival talk to a wall. " Potter? Fight me before I kill you."

"Harry Potter ,the golden boy : the savior of us all. He gave his life so we could live. He gave up his death so we could be with our loved ones." The eulogy. A few words summing up a huge sacrifice.

The words spoken on that fateful day echoed in the hall. ' I give you my life to protect the innocent. I give you my death to kill Tom Riddle. ' The Dark Lord Voldemort had sent the killing curse at Harry. Harry had fallen. Voldemort had screamed as a skeletal hand dragged his soul from its cage. The elder wand burst to flame. A Vulteric figure lent down to Harrys corpse and closed his eyes. The figure disappeared.

Speculation is the only thing people had. With Voldamort a husk on the ground the death eaters were easy to beat. Especially when the Auroras arrived.

The Golden trio ended their Sixth year at a funeral. Seventh year came too soon for some. Not soon enough for others.

Harrys bed hadn't been touched. Hermione was with Ron when they went to clear up his stuff. Harry's wand lay on his bedside table. "Ron, Harry didn't even have his wand with him." Hermione sniffled as she saw the needle on the unmade bed. "He was high." They draw was opened. The evidence of drugs was ovewelming. "I can't do this." Hermione fled the room leaving Ron staring into a draw of heroine. Under the needles was a frame. It was of the three of them, Christmas at the burrow. The letters on the jerseys in line to say RHH. All three smiled and laughed at Ron. A bloody hand print on the glass made Ron crumple.

Notes. Two notes. One Labeled 'The duo'. The other labeled 'WILL'.

Ron obliviated the memory from sixth year from his Girlfriends mind. It was her request. Not to remember her brother like that. She still had the black rose.


	5. The final Rose

**Chapter 5**

Years had passed. Ron and Hermione Weasley had children. Hermione remembered a loving cheery Harry. Ron remembered the signs for drug abuse. They were happy together. When Ron couldn't stop seeing the signs in everything and was unable to remember the Harry in the picture and only saw a shrunken face- he got rid of sixth year .

"Momma, Why do we have a Black Rose?" Rose weasley asked her Mother one day. A single black rose had been put in a glass vase on the mantle. It was under a stasis spell so as not to wilt.

Hermione had looked at her little girl. She looked at the rose. It looked sad. It looked like a important memory that she didn't have. She could never bring herself to throw it out. It had been amongst her school things. Had brought her to tears. It had felt special. "I- Have no idea sweetheart."

Rose asked her dad and received the same stuttered answer. Her parents friend Luna was staring at the black rose with such a knowing look that Rose had stopped to ask her. "Do **you** know why we have a black rose." Luna had sighed and smiled solemnly. "It was a gift."

Ron sat with his wife of 80 years. Both on the couch looking at the Black Rose. A long life with children and grandchildren lay behind them. It was Harrys Birthday. They often ended up alone in their house looking at the black rose on this day. "Honey, why do we have a black rose?" Ron looked at his wife. This question had been asked back and forth for years. Neither knew how it had come to be in their hands but it was from sixth year. Neither had their memories of sixth year. They had tried a pensive but that hadn't worked. They were told that harry had done drugs in sixth year. He couldn't imagine his friend on drugs. It was best that those memories were gone. He had been told Harry was 'broken'. He didn't want to see a broken friend.

" I don't know." "Do you think we will see him there?" Hermione seemed sad while asking the question. He looked at the wrinkles that mapped a happy life. "Harry?" He asked. "Yes, I miss my brother. I don't think he will be there." Ron gasped. "Why would you say that! He will be there." How could he not. "Remember when you were I hospital- when I almost lost you." He didn't understand. That had been years ago. "Yes…" "That's why he won't stay there." "How is this my fault?" Hermione let lose a raspy laugh. "You said you saw, him remember." He tried to think back- "Ya next to a creepy guy. He had said no and smiled. Then I woke up." Hermione smiled at him. "That's why he will greet us and let us pass." He sighed, girl logic he still didn't get. Luckily he married a woman who knew this- "He gave up his death remember. He gave up ever seeing the afterlife. He was the master of Death and DIED for us all." "HARRY WAS THE MASTER OF DEATH!" "You spat on me." He could feel his heart pounding. Hermione looked at her orange grey husband. "I like the Rose." And she did. Ron smiled at her, he had a small memory problem and the last couple minutes had already disappeared. "Me to."

They fell asleep in each other's arms. They didn't wake up. The spell cast on the rose broke.

A empty landscape greeted two teens. A ripple in the abyss reviled an invisible shape. The cloak fell. Harry looked at his Bestfriends. "Hello." Bushy hair obscured his vision as a squeal assaulted his ears.

"Harry. Im young." Harry laughed as Ron stood. "It's time to see them all isn't it?" "Yes. Your time to join the departed has come." "Wow so diplomatic, you grew up." Hermione laughed. Harry sighed. This place had different time. They could stand here for years as only a second passes. He sat with them and spoke. Hours passed as the Trio caught up. He cpouldn't keep them for ever and after a quite good-bye he sighed.

He was unable to cross to the after live. Constantly in this limbo. Helping the souls. He had given up his death. He had watched as his friends grew old. Now he pointed them to the final door.

A voice interrupted his thoughts. "You aren't coming with?" Ron asked when he noticed Harry wasn't walking to the white door. "I'm unable to go there Ron. Say Hi for me." He had an armful of Hermione again. " I forgot. I'm sorry." She sobbed. He hung onto her. Pulling away he grabbed something from under his robe.

Ron watched as a black Rose appeared in Harry's hand. The steam was silver the petals were charcoal.

"A gift." The rose was placed in Hermione's hand. Her other hand seeked her husband. He was there. "You gave me years with her Harry. Thank-you." Ron felt the tears on his check. He remembered lying on a hospital bed looking up at shocked healers. Alive with no explanation as to why he's breathing. He remembered Harry staying deaths hand and a quite no.

As he walked through the white door with his wife of 80 years going to see his mother and brothers and father he remembered. A small raven haired boy asking how to get onto the platform. A legend that had been abolished by a laughing boy who brought all the candy off the trolley and shared it. A friend that would die for him after only a year. A malnourished eleven year old holding a famous wizard at wand point to save Ginny. A boy not flitching from the grim. A teen being pushed into a fatal tournament and saving more than his quota. A frightened child battling a Dark Load to save them. A raven teen wanting nothing more than to see his loved ones. A broken ghost handing her a black rose. A sacrifice of everything that boy, teen, child wanted. A smiling figure waving at him from across a white abyss. He remembered Love. He remembered that a frightened, malnourished, raven haired child! Held more love for life and death than anyone one could bare to have. He knew that a friend gave up happiness so the world could be happy instead.

As he saw his family after living a long and fulfilled like he looked at his wife you had a knowing look in her eye. He knew the world was selfish. Everyone felt entitled to something. He saw a group of people- half of which he had only seen in photos- waving. Remus, Sirius, James, Lily. Harry should be there.

A sacrifice given. Unwillfuly taken. A broken spirit. A sad soul.

The white abyss stretched on.

A single black rose wept.


End file.
